標籤: MTFUBrotherhood

Many guys misunderstand the meaning of “being a cool guy”, sometimes being “too cool” actually limits your love life.

 

However, there’s a difference between showing interest in an attractive way and being NEEDY.

 

Here’s few things you can show interest in an attractive way.

 

#1 Praise Her values/interests/passions at suitable times

 

After you have light FUN with her and you found that you two can vibe pretty well, you are moving to the Screen & Qualifying Stage.

 

Meaning, you are screening to see if there’s any REAL EMOTIONAL CONNECTION between you two.

 

The way to do so is to to SCREEN in your mind to evaluate if she worth your time.

 

“Are we a good fit? Are we a good match?” ,

 

NOT “how to I impress this girl/ how do I get her to like me?”

 

Technique: Find out if she has NON-PHYSICAL Traits/qualities  you’re looking for by asking strategic questions.

 

E.g. If you enjoy travelling and you do cherish people who has a spirit of adventure, you can ask her “So where do you like to travel most?”, instead of “do you like to travel”,

 

this is a POSITIVE ASSUMPTION that she also travels and see if she meets your standards.

 

After this screening frame,

 

if she qualifies herself and explains why she also loves that, you can just say “Wow, that’s really adventurous, I like that about you!”

 

You are relating with her, you APPRECIATE that non physical traits of her.

 

So you set up the compliment by making her EARN IT, then your compliment  will gives her a nice feeling (if you add a little touch)

 

#2 Be Real, Raw and Open about yourself

 

Remember: Disclosure is disarming.

 

When you reveal slowly little unknown things about yourself, you are being COURAGEOUS and BOLD about showing your REAL self to others.

 

That’s attractive, as long as you don’t overdo it.

 

When you show your rough edges, your authentic imperfect self, you can easily attract people who are right for you and screen out those judgemental ones who won’t fit for you no matter what you do.

 

Plus, when you do this, you save so much time and energy going on dates with women who just aren’t compatible with you.

 

#3 If her first impression wasn’t amazing, but you feel that she has inner qualities that you cherish, consider giving her a second chance.  

 

Sometimes girls may not 100% match your “ideal women” list,

 

sometimes she had a shitty day when you met her,

 

sometimes you’re too attractive in her eyes that she feel so nervous on her performance…

 

But if you are TOO QUICK to decide to NEXT her, you are missing the point of building a new relationship.

 

Very often, the best long term relationships don’t start with a dizzying high of emotions and happy brain chemicals. It often starts with a slow process.

 

Sometimes when you first meet her, you might not feel a huge urge to be with her. You might not have a crazy heart beat.

 

But the more time you spend around each other, things may MAKE SENSE that you two are making progress together and you find out that she’s making you a better person…

 

…so pay attention to what you feel as time goes by,

 

and you might be surprised when you have a relationship when you least expect it.

Sometimes when you meet a girl, things may seem going well.

 

You guys are having fun, you guys may like each other, and it seems it’s natural to move forward.

 

However, if you are NOT aware of her past relationships, that could hurt your possibility of getting her commit to a new relationship.

 

So here’s a few important things you need to discover when dating.

 

#1 如果佢曾經拍過拖嘅話，你要慢慢發掘佢上一段感情係點解會散咗。

 

當然唔係叫你first date就即刻問佢關於ex嘅嘢啦，因為頭幾次見面都係集中以have fun為主；

 

但係如果你發現大家都幾啱玩，係你建立connection／做qualification嘅時候，你就要暗中尋求答案。

 

當然佢口中嘅原因好多時都只係真相嘅一部分，但係你都至少可以知道佢用乜嘢態度去看待自己嘅Ex，從而觀察佢另一面。

 

＃2 你要觀察一下，佢仲會唔會將自己Ex嘅嘢保留喺身邊呢？

無論係佢嘅首飾頸鏈，定係戒指耳環，又或者係佢屋企嘅佈置，

 

如果仍然係充斥住佢嘅Ex送畀佢嘅嘢，咁樣好可能係一種佢仲未能夠完全let go自己嘅Ex嘅徵兆。

 

當然你並唔需要逼佢即刻抌曬所有對佢嚟講有紀念價值嘅嘢啦；

 

但係你都可以暗示如果佢想發展新一段感情，佢都係需要放下自己嘅舊回憶，佢先至能夠健康地得到新嘅戀情，跟住你再觀察佢畀咩反應你。

 

＃3 另外一樣你需要發掘嘅，係睇下邊個同邊個分手。

 

如果係條女主動話分手嘅話，咁樣好大機會佢係已經對佢嘅Ex無感情／期望；

 

因為女仔肯主動講分手，好多時都係因為佢已經決定呢段感情唔work，對個男仔已經失去吸引力。

 

相反，如果係佢嘅Ex主動分手嘅話，咁樣你就要觀察呢條女對佢嘅ex仲有冇一啲好強烈嘅情感出現。

 

因為如果你講佢嘅ex嘅時候佢變得好emotional嘅話，

 

你都可以幾清楚佢仲未get over對方，佢都未ready好接受你對佢嘅注意力。

 

＃4 最後一樣嘢你要知道嘅，就係究竟佢哋散咗幾耐。

 

因為除非你係一個冷血嘅psychopath，

 

唔係嘅話對正常人嚟講，『分手』都係會影響到你嘅情緒，而且你係需要一段時間先至能夠治療好自己嘅心靈。

 

視乎嗰段感情嘅激烈程度同埋雙方嘅成熟度，通常recovery time都係一段感情嘅總時間嘅一半。

 

即係話如果拍咗拖兩年嘅話，對大部分人嚟講都需要一整年嘅時間先至可以恢復自己嘅心理質素。

 

咁所以如果對方啱啱分手你就諗住乘虛而入嘅話，雖然你都係有機會利用對方嘅hurt而同你上床；

 

但係就算對方即刻同你一齊拍拖，佢都只係利用你呢個人去填補佢心靈嘅空虛，而咁樣嘅做法絕對唔係建立健康感情嘅基礎。

 

Hope the above 4 signs will help you determine if SHE or even YOU are suitable for a relationship.

 

If you discover that either of you are NOT emotionally ready, then it’s best NOT to start anything new until you two are ready.

有冇曾經諗起以前喺你生命上出現嘅女人呢？

 

你會唔會想溝返你以前嘅小學中學大學嘅女同學呢？

 

又或者你會唔會好奇呢條女近排搞緊咩呢？

 

如果你有類似嘅問題，

 

好可能你都好想學識點樣同你以往遇上過嘅女士reconnect，甚至諗下點樣可以再次吸引佢。

 

但係唔知你有冇發現：

 

當你透過社交媒體再次message佢哋嘅時候，佢哋好似唔係點樣show你呢？

 

有冇發現就算佢哋有follow你，感覺上都好似好難再reconnect呢？

 

＃1 各位男士你必須首先明白嘅就係：雖然我唔知道你依家20歲／30歲定係40歲，

 

但係如果你仍然纏繞緊係當年嘅感情裏面，我都幾肯定呢一刻嘅你仍然係處於一個無女／scarcity，缺乏吸引力嘅狀態。

 

如果過咗幾年甚至十幾廿年你都仲係依戀緊喺嗰條女身上，

 

就代表其實你依家仍然唔係以一個富裕／abundance嘅mindset去看代溝女呢件事。

 

＃2 好簡單嘅原因就係：

 

如果你依家身邊係有其他十幾廿條女你隨時可以hang out或者約會嘅話，你仲會唔會咁依戀當年嗰位Jessica女士呢？

 

你喺集中build緊自己嘅life嘅話，你仲會唔會有時間去care N年前嗰啲女呢？

 

＃3 咁所以如果你仲係好想學識點樣『溝返以前中學』啲女嘅話，我就強烈建議你唔好再咁creepy冇嘢做；

 

你係要溝嘅話，都唔該你去溝番一啲全新你未認識過嘅女士。

 

只有當你停止對n年前嘅女咁obsessive，

 

你先至能夠move on去變成一個更加有吸引力嘅男人，

 

你先至會有機會透過social media畀佢地見到你全新嘅一面，佢哋先至會有機會想再次同你連繫。

＃1 我哋都活係一個『即食』嘅年代。

 

大部分嘅年青人都係想搵捷徑去成功，或者想搵最短時間最簡單嘅方法得到佢哋想要嘅嘢，無論係賺錢溝女定係做任何嘢。

 

咁所以喺呢一個主張你『付出最少得到最大回報』嘅意識形態裏面，男人嘅雄性力量／masculinity其實就係啱啱哋被蠶食緊。

 

＃2 點解？

 

原因就係因為我哋masculine energy嘅頂峰，就係處於係一個被挑戰／被challenge嘅狀態裏面。

 

如果你一味容許自己hea，一味畀更多藉口自己點解做唔到某樣嘢，你唔單止係變成緊一個懶到爆嘅value sucker，

 

你身為男人嘅masculine edge更加將會被慢慢殲滅，最後變成一個一無所有嘅loser。

 

但係你要記住：我哋之所以不斷俾challenge自己，並唔係純粹去追求下一個目標；

 

你真正要push自己嘅原因，係因為喺呢個過程之中你將會塑造自己成為一個乜嘢嘅人。

 

＃3 意思即係話：你每個禮拜花三四日去做gym，並唔係純粹想keep fit練大隻啲；

 

而係因為你係斷練緊自己嘅commitment，自己嘅堅持去做好某件事。

 

又例如你學習男女吸引力／兩性關係等等嘅學問，

 

並唔係純粹想抄牌屌西，跟住將所有被你『狠狠調教過』嘅女伴當作戰利品畀其他唔成熟嘅靚仔歡呼喝采；

 

而係因為你想成為一個更加明白男女intimacy同感情嘅人，

 

令到你能夠同你嘅partner製造既有激情又有深切連繫嘅quality relationship。

 

＃4 咁所以正當咁多男士墮落緊嘅時候，我邀請巴打你記住：

 

雖然你做以下我分享嘅嘢你係會馬上突圍而出，但係記住我哋人生唯一嘅對手就係我哋自己。

 

咁所以以下有兩樣嘢我想巴打你帶走：

 

＃5 第一，請你自己選擇點樣去challenge自己，

 

無論係健康上，財富上，親密關係上，性愛上，社交上等等嘅areas。

 

你依家會唔會覺得自己嘅人生某一方面係好停滯不前呢？

 

如果你嚟緊一年你只能夠達成一個目標，你喺邊一個area進步係會令到你各方面嘅生活質素都有最大提升呢？

 

要記住：好多時舒適範圍唔單止係講緊你做嘅嘢，comfort zone更加係講緊你生存嘅環境，

 

咁所以有時自己一個去旅行係一啲非常好嘅個人成長嘅方法。

 

＃6 第二，喺呢一刻嘅你，你覺得有乜嘢係綁住緊你隻腳，令到你唔能夠遠走高飛呢？

 

呢啲綁住你嘅anchors，好多時都係一啲你身邊嘗試破壞你夢想嘅人；

 

除咗係一啲故意攻擊你追隨自己道路嘅人，有時候好可惜嘅係一啲愛錫你但係過份干預你嘅人。

 

咁所以如果你唔能夠完全斬斷關係，你就要學識點樣有選擇性地 limit／限制自己同佢接觸嘅時間。

 

＃7 Anyway，最後想講嘅就係：

 

女人喺被一啲有目標，有purpose，有passion，有衝勁，識得自學反思去改善自己嘅男人。

 

咁所以當你唔再浪費自己時間，當你不斷挑戰自己能力邊緣嘅時候，

 

你就能夠好快喺事業上感情上突圍而出，並且同時得到你想要嘅理想人生。

If you remember, we talked about why dependence will KILL every relationship, because your NEED for someone else to COMPLETE you will create unhealthy relationships.

 

That’s why we must first grow from dependence to independence stage.

 

But that’s stage 2, because if you stay too long/stuck in independence and autonomy stage, you won’t be able to experience something deeper: connection & intimacy.

 

That’s why you must then grow to stage 3 interdependence, where we learn to work with our partners to magnify our human experience.

 

If you are now too independent and FEEL quite lonely in your life, maybe it’s a sign that your life lacks connection and fulfillment.

 

Here’s 3 questions to guide you on how to lean on others in a healthy non-toxic way.

 

Tip #1 Think about where you are trying to “go alone” too much in your life. Where in your life are you afraid to ask for help? Love life? Job? Friends?

 

Are you doing to PROVE that you are capable of being independent, OR you are afraid that people will think you are WEAK when you ask for help?

 

Humans are social species. Apes alone weak, apes together strong.

At certain point of your life, you NEED to learn to let others in so that we help each other thrive.

 

Tip #2 How many “friends” in your life REALLY REALLY know you?

your fears, insecurities, dreams, aspirations etc.

 

If you have 1-5 great friends, that’s awesome because MOST people have ZERO 知己.

 

So be honest, if you don’t have any, it’s time to reach out to your old friends and maybe meet some new friends.

 

Tip #3 What are you scared to do most? Something that might make you look powerless, weak, vulnerable?

 

The truth is it’s VERY HARD to do it all alone as a lone wolf.

 

Our fears and insecurities are pointers on the areas where we may NEED other people to help us, teach us, nurture us, love us, help us grow.

 

Yes, being happy, independent, self-sufficient is a GROWTH from stage 1 dependence to stage 2 independence.

 

But if you truly want to dominate life faster, you will need INTIMACY or a COMMUNITY.

 

If being alone isn’t getting results you want, It’s time to listen to your HEART and take new action!

有冇試過覺得自己『唔夠好』去令對方鍾意自己，或者『自己唔值得被對方愛』呢？

 

我哋每個人都會有質疑自己價值嘅時候，無論係因為你父母對你過度嚴苛，又或者你女朋友太正令到你自卑嘅感覺，我哋都有一啲情感嘅包袱令我哋忘記點樣愛錫自己。

 

但係如果你想係一定感情之中感受到自己已經足夠，如果你想提升自己嘅自尊心嘅話，

 

你就必須學識點樣增加你對自己嘅愛，你對自己嘅self love，which is one of the MTFU’s core value.

 

#1 Use Compassion For Our Emotions

 

When we feel low/negative/low self-esteem, we especially with ambitious achievers can be TOO HARD on ourselves.

 

-> Treat your less desirable thoughts about yourself like a 3-year old child who has just fallen and hurt his knees

 

-> You won’t hurry to heal the hurt, you gently heal the woud and let the pain pass away while comforting him , NO judgement

 

Give room for yourself to BREATHE through the process and be compassionate towards your growth journey.

 

#2 Take Ownership Of Our Own Happiness

 

Truth: No one can make you feel happy, it’s YOUR duty to do it for yourself.

 

Why that’s a good thing? -> You are no longer a victim, you can choose to be empowered.

 

When you get this, you can CHOOSE to be whoever you want to be and be happy whenever you want it.

 

Stop judging yourself so harshly when you have a bad day or didn’t get what you want temporarily.

 

#3 Self-Love Letter Exercise

 

It’s natural to focus on our LACK/inadequacies/concerns because our brain is automatically searching for threats to make sure you survive.

 

But our brain isn’t designed to make us thrive or happy.

 

So if you can focus your attention on writing a self love letter on what you want to improve about yourself,

 

WHY you deserve to be loved,

 

WHAT you have already accomplished,

 

what qualities do you have to make you successful in life and love…

 

then it’s a great reminder on why you are GOOD ENOUGH.

 

#4 Celebrate small wins daily

 

Growth is a gradual, daily, never-ending process.

 

IT’s a way of BEING, it’s a mindset,  instead of a one time thing.

 

So you always want to REMEMBER how far you’ve gone in life, what you have learnt in the past,

 

why you are GRATEFUL for these LIFE LESSONS that are designed to help you become a better human being.

 

Take 3-5 mins a day to remember your accomplishments and these mini celebrations will build up your confidence and success.

 

#5 Environment is more powerful than willpower

 

No successful people can succeed if they spend time with people who drag them down, complain lives, bitch about gossips and do stupid shit.

 

Every 3 months, EVALUATE who you spend time with the most and see if they’re encouraging you the most.

 

If yes, then nurture that relationships.

 

If no, get the fuck out ASAP, even when sometimes those who love us the most fuck us up the most.

 

Conclusions: Whatever your path is, remember that SELF LOVE is the foundation of everything.

 

Your relationship  success, career achievement, and personal fulfillment all depend on it!

Dating is simple but not easy, especially in an age of social media and phone addiction, it’s HARDER for people to connect on DEEPER LEVEL.

 

But today you are happy, because you’re about to get on a “DATE”.

 

Maybe you met her online, maybe you’ve met each other via events, so how do you guarantee you won’t FVCK UP?

 

Tip #1 唔好淨係擔心對方想做咩，諗下自己做咩會令自己開心！

 

If you don’t enjoy the activities/place/food/event, no matter how NICE or thought out, she is not going to enjoy the time with you.

 

Emotions are contagious, if you feel boring/dull/unexcited, she is going to feel the same.

 

Rmb: Dating is supposed to be FUN-oriented, it’s NOT about an interview.

 

If you two can’t even have light, simple, zero-thinking FUN, you two aren’t compatible at all as a couple, and there’s no need to talk about deeper stuff.

 

So any “dates” must be fun-oriented, do something YOU will feel happy, then your “date” won’t feel like a traditional date and it’s so EASY to go to the next step.

 

Tip #2 Have high standards, but NOT a checklist.

 

Yes, quality men have high standards, but what you THINK you want is often NOT what you truly get attracted to.

 

So don’t treat your checklist items as MUSTs.

 

Instead, be OPEN to the REAL LIFE connection at a feeling level, at an energetic level, at a GUT level.

 

It’s not how great her online profile is written, it’s NOT about how funny/engaging her texts are,

 

it’s about the REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE with her at a deeper energetic level.

 

Instead of using your BRAIN/HEAD to THINK if she fits, use your HEART to FEEL if she’s someone you want to bring into your life.

 

Relationships are rarely pure LOGIC, it’s about the EMOTIONS and energy exchange you two feel.

 

POINT: If you meet a girl and can be INSPIRED by her, and she can be INSPIRED by you,

 

then maybe there’s a chance that you two can integrate with each other and explore the possibilities of a deeper relationship.

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我呢，最近想認識一個女仔，但係我係果種唔識開口果種人，因為自己無乜異性緣，同其他女仔都未試過有單獨傾計既時間，每次都係一大班人咁樣傾。

 

但係我睇完你既影片，我都無法運用自如，更加用唔出泥，我仲讀緊書，而我真係好想變成一個成功既人。

 

希望你可以解答我點樣可以開口同人傾計同點保持關係。

 

你既影片好多時我感覺都係用係酒吧到，希望可以睇更多關於係非club既場合認識異性既影片，加油呀，我支持你 – Sky

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＃1 Bro, stop giving excuses that I am “not that kind of guy” or “無乜異性緣”, you are reinforcing an OLD IDENTITY that is not serving you.

 

I am not teaching you any techniques now because all the talking techniques are already taught in past videos.

 

But let me ask you a deeper question: You said you want to become successful, but do you think a successful people will operate at such VICTIM mentality saying “oh, i never met girls in the past, I am not the kind of guy who speaks?”

 

If you want to be successful at anything, stop living in your OLD FUCKING STORY of what you failed, OR blaming your past.

 

MTFU and do something, I have already taught you: The best way to talk to people is to use your OBSERVATIONAL SKILL, use the environment, or use the CONTEXT of the situation and say something that is RELEVANT to the situation and RELEVANT to her.

 

E.g. I was in a gym, I saw a girl doing squat with her DB next to me.

 

Even though her form is good, I later talked to her “Hey, I just saw you doing squat over there. But your knees are a bit too forward, that might hurt your leg, be careful.”

 

BOOM, easy opener. She looked at me and giggled.

 

#2 You don’t like hanging out in bars? Great, I don’t pick up in bars much as well.

 

But are you actively doing ACTIVITIES you love?

 

How many times have I suggested you all to explore FUN SOCIAL activities for yourself?

 

When will you understand that your current lack of social activities is hurting your happiness and fulfillment as a man?

 

I bet you haven’t done shit bro. So what are you to complain?

 

How many videos have you watched? How much ACTION have you taken?

 

MTFU bro, I appreciate your support and that’s why I am being HONEST and having some tough love on you.

 

If you arent willing to help yourself, I can’t fvcking help you as well. Got i

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最近去朋友派對，同新認識的女性朋友傾計，不過幾個都好冷淡，

因為對方冷淡所以我都冇抄到對方電話，費事抄d冷電話返來，點解決呢個問題

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#1 60/40, 70/30 Interaction Rule -> You aren’t the only one in the interaction!

Pay attention to females’ response, be AWARE if they are OPEN at all.

 

#2 You actually did well, nothing wrong with it, are you enjoying yourself though?

 

If you are not having FUN and enjoying these kinds of social environment, it’s counterproductive to your success.

 

#3 Success is in the ACTION, not the OUTCOME of it.

 

Keep trying, keep experimenting, keep increasing your sample size before you draw conclusions.

Yo Man, 終於有個機會可以問你野 XD

 

自從新識左一個女仔以來一直謹守你的教導，例如be an Alpha male﹑少text﹑push & pull等等。

 

然而，唔知係咪因為佢上星期出TRIP 大陸，我show太多關心，或者其他原因 (費事估啦，我情願將焦點放係solution)…

 

尋晚收到佢msg，大意係: 覺得同我相處好有壓力，普通朋友唔應該咁之類blahblahblah。

 

佢之前一D表現 (例如佢會qualify自己﹑特登比佢去end text轉頭又會撩返我 << 算唔算呢?) 令我相信佢應該對我有好感 (或者學你講，assume佢有!)。

 

我的問題係，我應該點回應 (或唔回應)? 佢咁講，係咪都係一種shit test? 定有其他用意?

 

BTW，好多謝你的教導! 應該真係有好多兄弟需要呢類教戰! Thanks,Marty

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#1 There isn’t enough information on why you fucked up.

 

But one obvious thing is as you said “唔知係咪因為佢上星期出TRIP 大陸，我show太多關心，或者其他原因”…

 

it shows that you show too much SWEET CARING as a friend and LACK sexual tension.

 

If she says “覺得同我相處好有壓力，普通朋友唔應該咁”, this implies that she really sees you as a FRIEND.

 

At some point, you tried to escalate to a more sexual relationship from a foundation of FRIEND, it rarely works that way and that is why the girl feels your advance and feels pressure.

 

Remember: It’s hard to use a normal “caring friend” image to seduce her, it rarely works that way.

 

It’s much better if you come out as a “I am sexually interested in you, I want to see who you are, but it’s cool if you don’t want that and I will move on” frame.

 

#2 You have 2 options now:

 

Either hang out as a normal just-friend, OR cut that communication for now.

 

It’s not a shit test, it’s just the TRUTH that you haven’t made her feel SEXUALLY DESIRED first before you establish so much emotional rapport as a friend.

 

So learn from this experience, pick an option,

 

watch more MTFU’s videos and move on to the next girl.

Hi Man神，最近小弟發現左自己讀書十幾年D英文都係半桶水咁，Grammar 底打得麻麻地。

 

而我亦都深深明白識英文嘅重要性，無論學問又好,溝外國女又好,Build up自己d values 都好,真係好有用。

 

所以Man神, 有冇個基本文法以外嘅grammar list可以比我知道(例如倒裝句之類 Thx ：)

 

Ps 雖然睇落同溝女冇關係,但係我相信英文可以有助我地成為alpha male (如果我冇錯嘅話XD

 

Btw 之前invite 女果封newsletter,我查完之後發現, me and my friends 好似要係object 先得?! —-某位中學生上

 

#1 English used to be my PASSION when I was studying, it comes natural to me but I have spent many years since kindergarten to be comfortable with this skill.

 

Right now, I know how to use English fluently, and I use English without any thoughts (Unconscious Competence),

 

but I am no longer in the STUDY MODE so I don’t pay too much attention to grammar in my communications.

 

#2 But what I can tell you is that great yes if English isn’t about reciting vocabs or using inversions,

 

mastering English is about being effective in your communication so that you can read, write, speak, listen and understand.

 

#3 I can’t teach you now because I really not in the exam field anymore, but here’s what I DID in the past to be the top 2% English in exams.

 

– Experiement a ton of English tutors until I find the right ones.

 

Some are more grammar-focused/old school English, some are more exam-oriented and teach you SKILLS to excel. You need both. So find your tutorial teachers.

 

– If you want to excel, you do ALL CE, AL, DSE past papers available.

 

That’s what all C grades or above students do and you gotta do them to get a feel of how English can be examined.

 

– The more immersion you have in English, the easier you know how to INTEGRATE it in your life.

 

Everyone says that they watch movies, read books and speak in English to become good.

 

I think I got Bs instead of As mainly because I lacked these. I missed the immersion part.

 

So if you could make English part of your life, there’s no reason you won’t improve.