月份: 2018 年 11 月

Hey brother/sister, do you know that no matter how good/bad your childhood was, it is going to affect your love & relationship life?

 

No matter whether your parents took care of you OR never took care of you, our childhood experience WILL influence what kinds of partners we attract in a romantic relationship.

 

#1 Why? It’s because as a child, we are helpless and ego-centric.

 

On one hand, we crave love & attention from our primary caretakers;

 

On the other hand, our naive self believe that every +ve/-ve reactions from others MUST be because of you.

 

If they treat you good, you think “Me = Good”.

 

If they treat you bad/negligent, you think “Me = bad”and something is wrong with you.

 

#2 Do you know why EVERY human being is fvcked up by their parents?

 

It’s because even though you have the BEST parents in the world, they are gonna do sth unconscious that make you conclude that you are NOT good enough.

 

E.g. Daddy comes home, you want to play with him, he said too tired and go watch TV, YOU conclude that you are NOT lovable.

 

E.g. You broke a vase, mum gave you a quick angry look and said you are so naughty to do that, you conclude YOU = BAD = NOT lovable  

 

So little innocent acts from our caretakers will easily make kids conclude that they are NOT good enough.

 

#3 What do kids do then?

 

Because of fear of abandonment, we develop a series of survival mechanism.

 

Maybe we tried to achieve good grades to get our parents attention…

Maybe we withdrew as a hermit and play computer games alone to avoid rejection…

Maybe we intentionally behaved badly just to get their attention…

 

No matter how we adapt, we start to force our identity to behave in certain ways in order to get love and approval.

 

And that’s how we develop extreme good boys/extreme bad boys traits to survive in childhood.

 

How about you brother?

 

Which strategy did you use?

 

Can you see how such identity shaping will affect what kind of women you attract?

 

Feel free to share your story and we’ll start to see why we behave in certain ways today as an adult.

Like and Share this video if you think it’s valuable to others, if you want to dive deeper in this topic, let me know.

Are you aware that our biggest enemy is always ourselves?

 

And one common mistake we all do is to CRITICIZE ourselves too harshly that eventually hurts our self-esteem.

 

So let me ask you: Do you love yourself? Can you extend your kindness and love towards your ownself?

 

If you crave happiness, connection, emotional strength and love in the world, you gotta stop being an asshole to yourself and love yourself more FULLY everyday.

 

#1 Meet the basic needs of yourself first

 

E.g. Full night sleep, eat nutritious food, train your body at least 3 times a week

 

If you overload your body with crap, your life is crap!

 

#2 Don’t ignore your emotions

 

Everytime we ignore our certain emotions and just “deal with life”, that ignored emotions will always come back STRONGER to make you pay attention to it.

 

E.g. Ignored stress -> anxiety ->panic attacks.

Ignored frustration-> anger-> rage.

Ignored sadness -> numbness ->depression.

 

Listen to your body and what your emotions are telling you.

 

They are signals on things you should or shouldn’t do MORE!

 

#3 Observe how you critize others

How you treat others externally often reflects how you treat yourself internally.

If you judge others harshly, you also judge yourself harshly when you feel bad.

 

So learn how to treat people with KINDNESS.

We don’t always know what others are going through.

Instead of judging so quickly, step back and be curious WHY they behave in certain ways.

That’s a little known way that helps you love yourself as well.

Do you know that for thousands of years, human tribes always had “rites of passages” where they assist boys to transform into men?

 

While modern society says you are a man when you have “external success symbols”e.g. a good job, a bunch of pussies, a gold medal…

 

many adults still have an APPROVAL-SEEKING psychology when they deal with people and WOMEN.

 

So what are ROP and how can we use it to grow up?

 

#1 ROP has 3 phases – Separate, Transition, Integration

 

Boys must first be taken away from his old environment (parents, friends, possessions), then be CHALLENGED intensely (e.g. travel alone, kill animals himself, survive in the wild), then brought back to his tribe as a transformed man.

 

#2 So to develop these men-character into ourselves in modern times, we must listen to our inner voice that desires an ADVENTURE!

 

Meaning, you must trust your intuition to leave your familiar-environment and START walking your own unique journey.

 

Q: Are you working on a job you TRULY want, or is that job some “good idea” from other people?

Q: Have you started doing whatever you can to explore the world and travel on your own, or are you staying in the same fvcking city for the whole life?

 

#3 Of course these 2 examples are just the tip of the iceberg of what it means to be a man, and your journey is always a never-ending ongoing process…

 

…but if you don’t these, it’s hard to experience massive personal growth as a man and you will always operate with a boy psychology.

 

So let me ask you again: What are the things you know you should be doing, but lack COURAGE to do?

 

Assuming you can have the courage, what ONE thing you can do today to move towards that ideal man you want to become?

As we talked before, everyone has a masculine & feminine side of them. As a heterosexual man, if you want to attract feminine women, you should be 70-80% masculine at your core as your way of being.

 

But if you find yourself very successful and driven, but CAN”T SEEM to relate to women, that might because you are too Masculine and have DISCONNECTED from the feminine.  

 

Here are 3 ways to nurture that soft, open loving side of you.

 

#1 Move Your Body

 

Like ocean, hurricanes and weather, feminine energy is always moving, changing & shifting. So if you are stuck at home/office for long time, you will feel stuck!

 

=> Get your body moving, go for a walk, do a yoga class and stretch, dance so that you can activate your F energy via movement again.

 

#2 Learn How To  Receive Gracefully

 

M energy = penetrating force; F energy = receiving force that opens up

 

So by receiving love, energy, attention, you cultivate F energ.

 

=> Get a full body massage, treat yourself well and be served well in a restaurant, accept praises/gifts from people gracefully.

 

#3 Re-connect with your loved ones

 

If you haven’t met your parents/siblings/close friends for a long time, it’s time to catch up with them.

 

Because reconnecting with people you CARE about not only build relationships, but it helps reconnects YOUR feminine side.

 

=> So spend a few hours of quality time and see how each other has been going on, such deep conversations will HEAL you both.

Have you ever first kiss a girl after intense attraction & arousal, you left and find her next day, only to find that she is NO LONGER interested in you?

 

Well, there’s a reason.

 

Kisses are actually taste tests for our bodies to figure out if the person you are kissing is a strong genetic fit with your DNA.

 

A study by Oxford University researchers found that kissing helps in assessing potential mates through taste/smell, picking up on biological cues for compatibility, genetic fitness or general health.

 

Initial attraction may include facial, body and social cues.

 

Then assessments become more and more intimate as we go deeper into the courtship stages, and this is where kissing comes in.”

 

Other findings included:

 

* In short relationships, survey participants said kissing was most important before sex, less so during sex, was less important again after sex and was least important at other times.

 

In committed relationships, where forming and maintain a lasting bond is an important goal, kissing was equally important before sex and at times not-related to sex.

 

* In a companion paper in the journal Human Nature, the researchers report that women’s attitudes to romantic kissing also depend on where in their menstrual cycle and their relationship they are.

 

Women valued kissing most at initial stages of a relationship when they were in the part of their cycle when they are most likely to conceive.

 

=> Previous studies have shown that hormonal changes associated with the menstrual cycle can change a woman’s preferences for a potential mate. When chances of conceiving are highest, women seem to prefer men who display supposed signals of underlying genetic fitness, such as masculinized faces, facial symmetry, social dominance, and genetic compatibility. (ALPHA MALE!)  

 

It appears that kissing a romantic potential partner at this time helps women assess the genetic quality of a potential mate, the researchers say.

If you are like me, my upbringing & social conditioning taught me that “women are the romantic creature seeking LOVE and they fall in LOVE easily with a man.

 

VS Men are the seed-spreading non-committers, so they all just want to have sex and can detach themselves immediately”…

 

If you also believe that, then you are fvcked by these lies!

 

#1 According to a research by psychologist Marissa A. Harrison in 2010 “Women and Men in Love: Who Really Feels It and Says It First?

-> Truth: Men actually fall in love FASTER at the beginning, but fall out of love slower after a break up THAN women!

-> “Women may not be the greater “fools for love” that society assumes and are consistent with the notion that a pragmatic and cautious view of love has adaptive significance for women.”

 

Why? Because women are evolutionarily more cautious, they have more to lose reproductively by committing to a wrong man.

 

Women have finite # of eggs, but men can produce millions of sperm daily.

 

#2 And according to Neil Lamont, a London based psychologist: People generally tend to see men as more pragmatic or even commitment-avoidant. “[But] meaningful relating is as important to men as it is to women.

And while societal and cultural norms may have dictated that men should be strong and resilient, the reality is [that] a well-lived life for men will typically involve deep and meaningful, loving relationships.”

 

#3 Caveat: Women have short term & long term mating strategies, so while they may not “fall in love” with a guy , they may still wanna fvck an Alpha hot guy.

More to come 😉

When you met someone new, do you feel that everything seems moving so GOOD, life is AWESOME, birds are singing for you, and you just feel so POSITIVE every single day?

 

Well, that is because you have entered the infatuation phase／蜜月期，when your brain is being flooed with dopamine多巴胺/serotonin血清素/oyxtocin催產素，which means you feel is sweet and all you see is the POSITIVE.

 

How long is this phase? Science says it’s around 12-18 months.

 

And why does this phase slow down after that?

 

Evolutionary biologists says this chemical rush has to die down at that point because the babies that you are now presumably having would die from neglect if you were lavishing so much attention on each other 24/7.

 

Meaning: If you focus too much on your partner when your child is born, your child will die.

 

So what it means to you is that:

DON”T be so clouded by her when you first get to know each other.

Don’t make major life decisions in the first 2 years.  

Don’t mistakenly think that “she is the ONE” when everything seems to go smooth.

 

Keep it light, simple, fun for the first 2 years;

 

have great passionate sex so that “her real self” will slowly start to come out later and you’ll see her real character!

Does women want a man to be romantic? Well, it depends.

 

If you use romantic gestures (e.g. flowers/chocolate/money) try to WOO her into having sex with you, you are FVCKED and you will only attract gold diggers.

 

She may accept your gifts and grand gestures, but she will NOT desire to fvck you like an Alpha male and you become her Beta bitch.

 

However, if you have set the frame right,

 

if you attract her through your masculinity and sexual energy,

 

if you have slept with her multiple times and she begs you to be his boyfriend,

 

then a bit of ROMANCE during the r/p is good.

 

What is romance to women? Here are a few elements you must include:

 

#1 Surprise

Predictable moves = boring = not romantic

So whatever you prepare for her, make sure it is sth she CANNOT expect

 

#2 Thoughtful To Her

If she isn’t a gold digger, you don’t need a fvcking diamond ring & a vow to declare your love (half of your assets) to her.

 

You just need to be thoughtful, showing her that you took TIME, ENERGY, EFFORT to prepare the things for her.

 

#3 Self-Initiated 自發性

Valentines Day or Bday gifts are ok, but they are predictable and kind of “pressured by society”.

 

So if your romantic gesture is SELF-INITIATED, you do it because you just want to do it (NOT because of a fvcking calendar festival), then it’s much more powerful.

 

If you follow these 3 principles and only do these OCCASIONALLY (not predictably),

 

e.g. cook her dinner, spontaneous weekend trip with her, pick her up when least expected…

 

…these typical BETA male behaviors can still be ALPHA if you set the relationship right and she can’t help but to LOVE you more 😉

 

Remember when I said “Men need to first learn to be happy with himself when he is single, before he should embark on a relationship?”

 

That is true, because most modern men are fvcking needy and can’t take care of themselves.

 

And women naturally are repelled by these spineless weak nice guys OR purposeless YOLO fvckboys (in the long term).

 

But after you’ve learnt to be independent, why should we still seek an intimate relationship with someone who arouses you and loves you?

 

It’s because relationships exist to MAGNIFY human experiences,

 

and intimate relationship exist to TRIGGER you so that you can GROW into a better human being.

 

Being a lone wolf, a monk and hiding himself from the world’s temptations is EASY,

 

but engaging with these temptations/corruptions/ugly dirty shit while maintaining your sanity is HARD.

 

Being independent is GOOD starting point,

 

but learning to be INTERDEPENDENT, to work with people and to dive into intimate relationships is what makes you most vulnerable and thus GROW MOST.

 

Getting into a relationship is NOT just to be happy or feel less lonely,

 

it is to share your true self, your flaws, your imperfections;

 

observe WHY you are triggered by your partner’s behaviors;

 

and HEAL your emotional wounds so that you can truly GROW into a better human being.

 

So men/women, are you ready to take this challenge?